73. DOMESTIC DUTIES - Jack’s Japa Empowerment - Diaspora Handbook - Nijaa Diaspora Empowerment - Nijaa Immigrant Handbook - Ola Carew

73. DOMESTIC DUTIES

When you japa, you quickly realise that domestic responsibilities are not to be “assigned.”  There is no housekeeper, no cousin from the village, and no one to yell at.  Whether you’re a guy or a woman, the house won’t clean itself, the dishes won’t wash themselves, and the clothing won’t jump into the washing machine by themselves either.  Many people, particularly men, arrive in the UK expecting to continue with the same mindset they had at home; but this atmosphere requires equality, accountability, and deliberate effort.

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Cooking, cleaning, and childcare are no longer considered “a woman’s job.”  Everyone here contributes their fair share.  The environment does not promote laziness or gendered entitlement. If both of you are working, then both of you should be sharing the chores. It’s not just about helping each other; it’s about surviving together. Even children are brought up with this mindset—cleaning their rooms, packing their lunch, doing dishes. That’s how the society runs.

Some people go out of their way to avoid domestic duties by constantly eating out or buying takeaway.  This isn’t only pricey; it’s also harmful and unsustainable.  The truth is that learning to cook and clean, saves you money, time, and unnecessary stress.  It also promotes self-discipline and helps you stick to a routine, which is especially useful if you live alone.  And if you live in a shared space, being messy or entitled will quickly earn you a bad reputation.  People here place a high emphasis on cleanliness, viewing it as a reflection of their character.

One of the silent reasons of marital stress or relationship breakup overseas is an imbalance in domestic responsibilities. When one person feels overwhelmed, animosity arises. Conflict arises when expectations are not conveyed or agreed upon in a timely manner.  If you intend to japa with your spouse, discuss these details in advance. 

Domestic duties are a necessary aspect of becoming an adult.  Whether you’re renting a one-room flat or living in a council flat, you owe it to yourself and others to keep your place tidy.  It is an indicator of maturity, discipline, and integration.